


Freedom Is Our Destination

by DemolitionSerenade



Category: My Chemical Romance, frerard - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 16:49:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/664259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemolitionSerenade/pseuds/DemolitionSerenade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank is searching for freedom, can he find it in his therapist?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Birds and Philosophies

**Author's Note:**

> Frank wanted absolutely one thing out of life. He wanted to be free. Could he find that through Gerard?
> 
> Original work was on Mibba, but I'm transferring it and revising.

Frank lived his life with one philosophy. To live like a bird, would to be free. He admired birds. Every aspect intrigued him. They were independent, they were beautiful, they were a part of life that could never quite be comprehended.

It was frustrating when no one really understood why you were the way you were. Being different didn't necessarily mean there was something wrong with you. There was nothing wrong with Frank, he was just obsessed with the idea of being free. Who wouldn't be though? In some way, everyone strives to be released from everything they hate.

It turned out that trying to be free was a lot harder than anyone would have anticipated. Frank tried a couple different ways. The first way was running away. Being home provided too many boundaries, too many limits he didn't want to have. He was constantly being scolded and told he was wrong. He was wrong and he wasn't perfect, not like his step brother. Running away didn't work too well though. They found him. After that, he turned to partying and drugs. Drugs were supposed to 'liberate the mind', after all. That didn't work either, his parent's just ended up committing him. Then, when he was finally released from the looney bin, they set him up with a therapist.

That's where he was now. Sitting in therapy. How the hell was this supposed to work? He could talk out his 'problems'? He didn't have problems! All he wanted, was to be free. How hard was that? Except, when he told that to his therapist, the man just stared back at him and asked what 'free' meant. Great, now they were going to think he was suicidal. He wasn't suicidal, he loved his life. Plus, he couldn't kill himself. He still had to figure out how to be free.

It wasn't like his therapist was a dick or anything though. He seemed like a really nice guy, young too. Not that much older than Frank himself. He was also really cute, in a weird way. He had semi long black hair, and a really round face. He was pale too, but really tall. Everyone was really tall to Frank. He had the most beautiful eyes though, and sometimes Frank didn't know what he was saying because he was too lost in them.

“Frank?” he heard. Obviously Dr. Way was trying to get his attention, but he was too busy staring. “Frank are you daydreaming again?” Dr. Way rolled his eyes, which caused Frank to lose focus.

“Huh?” he asked, blinking stupidly at the man.

“I asked how your theory was working.” Dr. Way said irritably, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

“My theory is marvelous!” Frank gasped. “You know, once I realized the drugs weren't helping, I would have stopped. It's like, my thing. You know? I'm not trying to get myself killed. I'm not crazy, and I can't die. Not  
yet anyway, I need to figure it out.”

“Frank it's impossible to be a bird.”

“I don't want to be a bird. I want to be free, like a bird. It's different.”

“Right.” Dr. Way sighed. “But why? Why do you want to be free?”

“Because everyone's trapped!” Frank stood up and started pacing. “Everyone's so trapped inside their minds. So worried about everything. It's stupid! Why worry? Why? Why can't we just fly? Metaphorically speaking, of course. I know it's impossible to fly. Just, why can't we lose ourselves? Why can't we just be completely lost, yet completely happy at the same time?” Frank threw his hands up, rolling his eyes as Dr. Way took down notes. “People that lose themselves, Dr. Way, they aren't right. They're sad and dead inside, they lost something they needed to be alive. That's not how I want to lose myself. I want to be completely content with myself. I want to know that I'm free, and I'm okay, and that I don't have to worry about anything.”

“Well, Frank, I don't know.” Dr. Way stood and held out his hand. “But, it was very nice seeing you today. Our hours up, but I'll see you tomorrow.” Frank smiled and shook Dr. Ways hand.

“See ya', Dr. Way.” And then Frank was out the door, walking out of the building with a skip in his step as his mom nagged him.


	2. Small, Small World

Frank didn't find love to be very freeing. A lot of the time, it drove people mad. Love was not part of Frank's plan. Unfortunately, Dr. Way just had to question it.

"A lot of people find it to be very liberating, Frank." he'd said.

"It's not. It's evil." Frank decided. "It's like... hate, kind of. Yea, like hate. Except, it makes you feel all fuzzy inside first. Special, too. It's only manipulating you so that you can get hurt."

"And hating isn't helping you be 'free'?" Dr. Way questioned in that silently judging way of his.

"Hate doesn't help anything."

"But you hate the people you go to school with."

"No. I loathe them." Frank glared at the wall.

"Loathe?"

"They're already free, in a sense. They're free in the way that they don't know what freedom is." Dr. Way sat back and looked at Frank. This patient had truly stumped him. He just didn't know what to diagnose him with. Insanity? No, there was nothing insane about wanting freedom. Troubled? Yes, troubled. Not deeply, jut enough to make sure he stayed in therapy.

"Well, Frank." He sighed, finally. "I love your theories, but our hour is up."

"Already?" Frank frowned. It hadn't felt like an hour. It never felt like an hour when he was in here, it was like an escape. A place he could be free. It just wasn't the complete freedom he was searching for. Though, it was a start.

He got up and thanked Dr. Way for his time before making his way out of the room.

 

Frank got in a fight at school. He never got in fights, but he just couldn't help himself. There as a new kid in school. Throughout the day Frank had gathered that his name was Mikey, and he had a few classes with him. Mikey was really tall, and really skinny. Basically, he was the perfect target for close minded jerks at school.

Mikey hadn't made any friends yet. Of course, he'd only been in the school a total of four hours. It was lunch, and Frank was sitting by himself like always. Mikey was sitting alone too. Frank thought about getting up and introducing himself, but then he thought better. Mikey would probably just think he was weird. He did watch Mikey though. He was a good people watcher.

Some popular kid -Frank thought his name was Anthony- walked over to Mikey. Maybe he was getting friends? Mikey pushed his glasses up his nose and looked up from his sandwich. Anthony smiled and sat down across from Mikey. Frank smiled to himself from his seat, but the smile quickly vanished when he saw the terrified look on Mikey's face. Anthony was picking on him! Frank watched as Mikey sunk into his seat, trying to get away from Anthony.

The look of terror was getting more and more serious on Mikey's face. Frank stood up and walked towards them. He could hear the string of insults. 'Weird.' 'Fag.' 'Loser.' 'Go back to where you came from, four eyes.' Four eyes? Real mature. Frank rolled his eyes and walked towards them.

"Hey, Anthony." He said, crossing his arms. Anthony looked up at him.

"What the fuck do you want Iero?" he said, rolling his eyes.

"I want to know why you're picking on this kid." Frank said matter-of-factually.

"Is that any of your business?" Anthony stood up. Compared to Frank he was a giant, but Frank had the advantage because he was so short.

"Yes, actually it is."

"Oh yea? Please enlighten me." Anthony was looking down on Frank, like he didn't matter. Frank hated people like this. Hating when against everything he was about, but God he hated these people.

"Gladly." Frank said. He kicked Anthony right in the dick, causing him to kneel down in pain. He was shorter than Frank now. Frank took the privileged of looking down at Anthony. "Leave him alone, you dick. He didn't do a damn thing to you."

 

"I got in a fight today." Frank announced. Dr. Way stared at him. A fight? That didn't sound like Frank.

"Oh?"

"Yea." Frank sighed. "Okay, it wasn't a fight. I kicked a guy in the nuts."

"What did you do that for, Frank?" Dr. Way asked in that silent judging way. Frank decided that he didn't like it.

"He was being mean to the new kid." Frank announced. "So I told him to stop being a dick."

"Yea?" Dr. Way raised his eyebrow. "How did the new kid feel?"

"Don't know." Frank shrugged. "He ran out of there as soon as it was over. I think I'm going to sit with him tomorrow."

"Don't you loathe him?"

"No." Frank bit his lip. "I think he loathes himself enough. Besides, I think I need friends."

"Frank?" Dr. Way asked. Frank looked at him, nodding his head slightly so Dr. Way would continue. "I want you to do something."

"Yea?" Frank raised his eyebrow.

"I want you to try and date someone. You can have friends, you can date."

"I don't want to love someone." Frank crossed his arms.

"Frank." Dr. Way said in his 'do-what-I-say-or-I'll-write-you-up' voice. Frank groaned and nodded. "Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

Frank sat with Mikey at lunch. He was actually really fucking cool. They talked about comics and music and how Mikey's older brother was a fantastic artist, but totally wasting his talent. They talked about how Mikey's parent's were dead and he had to move in with his brother, which was a total bummer because his brothers job made him so stressed. They'd both agreed he needed to get laid. Frank didn't want to ask how his parent's died, but the question was eating away at him.

"Do you want to come over after school?" Mikey asked, his eyes wide.

"I have therapy right after." Frank made a face. "I'll come over later?"

"Okay!" Mikey grinned and wrote down his address. "My brother's going to be thrilled I have a friend. He's so cool, I look up to him like... a lot."

 

"I made friends with him!" Frank bounced in his seat.

"That's great Frank." Dr. Way laughed.

"He's so cool Dr. Way! He likes all the good music. Black flag! He likes Black Flag."

"Good." Dr. Way smiled. It kind of sucked though, because Frank having a friend means he made a breakthrough. That meant Frank was getting better, and Dr. Way liked having him around.

"I'm going to his house after this. We're going to play video games and chill until his brother gets home."

"How about what I asked you to do, Frank?"

"Chill Dr. Way, it's been a day. I have to meet people first."

"Okay." Dr. Way said before adding, "Does your new friend agree with your freedom theories?"

"Don't know. I haven't asked him." Frank made a face. "Should I tell him?"

"It's good that he know's everything about you now, Frank. That way you don't get super close in the future and have him decide you're a nut."

"Do you think I'm a nut Dr. Way?" Frank frowned.

"No, Frank. You're not a nut. You're just special." Frank's heart did this weird thing where it missed a beat and for a second he thought he was dying. Dr. Way didn't think he was a nut. "Time's up Frank. I'll see you   
tomorrow."

"See ya', Dr. Way." Frank smiled and left.

 

Frank stood on Mikey's porch, ringing the doorbell repeatedly. He loved doorbells, they were so cool. His parent's took his off though, which sucked.

"Jesus Christ." Mikey mumbled when he answered the door. "Calm down, it's just a doorbell."

"They're cool." Frank grinned. They went inside and played a shit ton of video games. (Arkham City Asylum proved to be a lot cooler than he thought). There was plenty of Call of Duty and Halo 4 and then they ran down to Mikey's kitchen, because they were growing boys and pizza rolls were cool.

They were sitting in Mikey's living room having a Lord of The Rings marathon when the front door opened. Mikey grinned and paused the movie.

"Gee!" Mikey called. "Gee, we're in the living room. Come meet Frank!" Frank heard Mikey's brother come in the room, only turning around when Mikey launched himself off the couch and attached himself to his brother. Frank stared at him because, no way, that was Dr. Way!

"Gee, this is the cool kid that took up for me yesterday. He's a senior, cool right? I totally didn't believe it 'cause he's so short, but he showed me his ID and I saw his student card. He's totally almost eighteen!" Mikey kept babbling, attached to his brothers side like a leech.

"I know who he is, Mikes." Dr. Way said, peeling his brother off of his side. "Hey, Frankie."

"Hi, Dr. Way." Frank smiled, blushing like an idiot.

"What?" Mikey asked, looking between them. "This is your therapist?" he looked at Frank and laughed. "Wow, small world. Cool though!"

"Yea, Frank's cool." Dr. Way smiled and Frank couldn't help but grin because Dr. Way said he's cool. Not that he was fangirling or anything. 

"You're cool too, Dr. Way." Frank laughed, playing with his hands.

"Gerard. Call me Gerard. Dr. Way in the office, Gerard in my home." Dr. Way- Gerard grinned.

"Gee, show him your paintings! I totally told him how awesome you are at art. Show the one unicorn superhero one!"

"Not now, Mikes." Gerard groaned. "I have to fix you dinner, you hyperactive chihuahua. Then I have to go over my notes from today. My notes on patients."

"I should get going anyway. Thanks for having me over, Mikey." Frank smiled, fist bumping his new friend. "See you tomorrow Dr. Way."

 

Frank was thankful that the next day was Saturday. He got to sleep in and everything that just made his day beautiful. He had his appointment with Dr. Way, and he was going to Mikey's after. Best day ever, definitely.


	3. You Can't Take The Party Out Of The Boy

Dr. Way's office is weird. Okay, yea it hasn't actually changed, but now that Frank's seen his actual house, it doesn't really seem like Dr. Way. For instance, Dr. Way was an artist for God's sake. Why was his office so god damn boring?

Frank sat, staring at Dr. Way. Dr. Way stared back, shifting uncomfortably in the silence. Frank always talked during their sessions, him not talking now was just... weird. He was just about to comment on it when   
Frank's phone started buzzing. He checked it, laughed, and put it away.

"Mikey says hi." Frank smiled. Dr. Way raised an eyebrow, that was the first time he talked during the entire session.

"Hi, Mikes." Dr. Way commented. Frank typed back quickly. "How's your theory?"

"I'm stumped." Frank shrugged, leaning back in his seat.

"Stumped?"

"That's right."

"What's got you stumped, Frank?"

"I don't believe in love." Frank stated. Dr. Way nodded, he already knew that. "But you want me to date." Dr. Way nodded again. "I like someone."

"You like someone?" Dr. Way did that judge mental staring thing again.

"No." Frank shrugged. "But, Mikey's helping me make friends and shit."

"That's good. Time's up." Dr. Way sighed. Frank left with a small wave, slamming the door behind him.

 

Frank was sitting in lunch with Mikey, listening to him ramble on about how he hated something Dr. Way had done. Or, you know, Gerard, since they weren't in the office.

"Oh!" Mikey screamed, startling Frank since he was only half paying attention. "There's these new kids, right? They're cool. They're gonna sit with us today."

"Okay." Frank shrugged. At least he'd have some social interaction to report that didn't include his therapists brother.

"Yea. Look, there they are!" Mikey pointed at a tall kid with a scruffy face and blonde hair. Behind him, awkwardly standing, was an equally as tall kid with an Afro of curly brown hair. "Bob, Ray!" Mikey yelled. They walked towards the table, looking at Frank.

"Hey, Mikey." Ray said, smiling extra nicely at Mikey. Frank laughed to himself. Ray totally had the hot's for Mikey.

"This is Frank. Frank, this is Ray and Bob." Mikey grinned.

After lunch that day, Frank had to seriously rethink some of his theories. He had friends. Three of them. And he felt better than he did when he was alone. He felt more... free.

 

"Three friends Dr. Way!" Frank announced excitedly. "Three! And they don't think I'm weird at all!" He was grinning, wiggling in his seat.

"That's really good Frank." Dr. Way smiled.

"And Ray think's my theory is genius. Genius!" Frank gasped.

"Your theory is genius Frank." Dr. Way laughed.

"Obviously, it's my theory." Frank laughed. "They're taking me to a party tonight. We want Mikey to come too. Can he?! He's afraid to ask."

"Mikey can go. Just-"

"Don't bring him home drunk or high? No problem."

 

Mikey wasn't drunk or high. He was surprisingly clean. Frank, however, was drunk off his ass and loving it. He was dancing and singing and making out with tons of girls. He was having a fucking ball. Ray and Bob were pretty much doing the same thing.

Frank danced the entire night. It seemed like his energy would never fucking go away. He only took a break to get another drink from time to time, and it took absolutely everything he had to stay away from drugs.   
He did it though. Dr. Way would be disappointed if he did drugs again.

Eventually appearances started blurring together and Frank had no fucking idea who he was kissing or touching or what he was drinking. It didn't bother him much though, because it was fucking fantastic. 

One thing led to another and he found himself in a bedroom with someone, touching and kissing and... a dick? Frank blinked, staring at the person. He definitely felt a dick. What the fuck...? He looked down just to make sure and yea, this was a dude. The guy kept touching though and suddenly Frank didn't care anymore.

Did this mean he liked dudes?

Yea, he definitely liked dudes.


	4. Realizations Can Kill

Frank woke up with a pounding headache. He sat up, rubbing his face before realizing he was completely naked. He never slept completely naked, his step brother was creepy. Even worse? He wasn't even in his own fucking room. 

"Must have gotten laid." He mumbled to himself, looking for the person in the room. He found them quick enough and fell out of the bed screaming. Fucking Pete Wentz? God, now Frank had to make sure he didn't have any fucking STD's.

He heard Pete grumble and move around. There was no way... a guy... Pete Wentz... no... no fucking way. Except, when he moved, it confirmed that yes... he had slept with a guy, and he'd taken it too. Fuck.

"Pete!" He yelled, kicking the bed.

"Five minutes mom." Pete mumbled into the pillow.

"Fuck no." Frank growled, looking around for his clothes. "Pete wake the fuck up!" He kicked the bed again and Pete sat up.

"Hey Frank." He grinned sleepily. 

"Where the fuck are my clothes?" Frank mumbled.

"Well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Pete laughed.

"I woke up next to a guy!" He threw his hands up.

"Your clothes are over there." Pete pointed to the dresser where they sat nicely folded. Frank got dressed quickly.

"This never happened." Frank said. He didn't even look at Pete before he left.

 

"Mikey, why'd you guys leave me at that party?" Frank asked. His headache still hadn't gone away and he was really pissed off that his friends had left him.

"We figured you got laid." Ray answered for Mikey.

"Yea." Frank groaned. "Yea, I did." he sighed.

 

"I don't know what to do Dr. Way." Frank said, crossing his arms.

"What happened?" Dr. Way asked.

"Sex happened." He sighed, letting out a frustrated groan.

"That's bad?"

"Yes! Sex didn't just happen. It happened... it happened with a guy!" He threw his hands up. "And... And I liked it. I liked it, but I don't know why. I mean, yea, I've never really been with girls, but that doesn't mean   
I'm gay!"

"Frank, it's okay if you are."

"It's not." Frank sighed. "My mom would flip the fuck out."

"No. She loves you." Dr. Way set his book aside and just looked at Frank. "And liking guys isn't a crime, Frank. Love is love and that's that."

"But-"

"No, Frank. I'm telling you this with a professional opinion. Liking guys doesn't have an impact on anyone but you and your ability to get aroused. Okay? There's nothing wrong with it." Frank nodded, playing with   
his hands. "Did you like the sex Frank?"

"Yes." Frank whispered.

"Frank, are you gay.?" 

"I think so."

"And that's okay."

"Thank you." Frank smiled sadly.

At the end of their session that day, Frank got up and hugged Dr. Way as tight as he could, because no one had ever been so willing to tell him the absolute truth.

 

Frank paced back in forth in his living room, clenching and un-clenching his fists. His mom looked at him worriedly, while his step dad tried not to scream at him to come the fuck out with it already. His step brother was there too, which he tried really hard to ignore, because he hated the guy.

"Come on Frank." His step brother, Justin said.

"Shut the fuck up Bieber." Frank glared at him. Fuck him, Frank didn't have to do anything.

"Frank, language." His mom said softly. Frank sighed and rubbed his face.

"Okay, okay... it's just that... okay, I went to this party and-"

"Frank, not the drugs again..."

"No, ma." He sighed, rubbing his face. "Not the drugs. Therapy is helping me with that."

"Then what the fuck?" Justin said.

"Fuck you Justin." Frank said, lunging at him and coming so fucking close to punching him. Fuck his step dad for stopping him.

"Fag." Justin muttered.

"Yes!" Frank screamed. "Yes, I am a fucking fag, okay? I like dick! That's all I wanted to tell you guys." He kicked Justin in the shin, kissed his mom on the cheek, and went to his room. He's pretty sure he slammed   
the door so hard the house shook.


	5. That Little Bitch

Frank walked into school the next morning clinging to his cup of coffee. It was way to early for this shit. He sat outside by himself, waiting for the bell to ring. People watching proved to be more entertaining then ripping holes in his jeans though, and he couldn't help but stare at the people as they did different things.

His eyes landed on someone in particular. Pete. He looked absolutely distraught with his too big hoodie pulled tight around him. Frank watched as he tried to pretend he wasn't looking at him, which he clearly was.

"Pete!" Frank called, walking over to him. Pete looked absolutely terrified.

"What do you want, Iero?" He asked, his voice shaky.

"To apologize."

"For?"

"For yelling at you the other morning. I was having... trouble... coping..." Frank looked around awkwardly.

"Oh." Pete replied, shrugging like it didn't matter. Anyone could tell it mattered.

"And, I was wondering if you'd like to do it again sometime. Not the waking up and yelling at you part. Maybe like... a date?"

"I've never been on a date." Pete admitted.

"Ever have a boyfriend?" Frank asked. Pete shook his head. "Me either." Frank looked around the crowds of people before kissing Pete, right there, in front of everyone. "You do now." Pete just nodded and grinned.

 

Frank was making his way to his locker, Pete's hand securely in his. This was probably the best day of Frank's life. He even ignored the fact that every single theory he had was completely against it. They were almost to his locker when Pete stopped, pulling him away. "Pete." Frank laughed. "Pete I need my French book, my lockers this way."

"No, come on Frank you can use mine." Pete's voice was pleading. Frank raised an eyebrow and turned back towards his locker. Across it, in big pink letter, FAG was spray painted. The hand that wasn't holding Pete's clenched into a fist and he looked around frantically. He found Justin laughing hysterically, right in front of him.

"You little bitch!" Frank screamed, yanking his hand from Pete's and tackling Justin to the ground. He got one good punch in (right to the eye) before Pete managed to pull him off and down the hall.

 

"Two hours?" Frank yelled, throwing his hands up in frustration. "What the fuck mom?!"

"You're getting out of control Frank! You punched your brother!" His mom yelled back.

"That little bitch is not my brother! He never will be, okay? Fuck him! He spray painted on my locker and called me names first!"

"Watch your mouth Frank!"

"Fuck all of you." Frank said, kicking over the table before storming out of the house. Fuck them, fuck this, fuck everything. Who the fuck were they to tell him he was out of control? All he did was punch the kid,   
and he really had it coming. Maybe he could get Bob on him next. If there was one thing Frank learned about Bob, it was that he had a lot of anger and no one to point it at. His step brother (Okay, come on, why couldn't Frank have a good step brother like Ray?) had warned everyone ahead of time not to piss Bob off.

 

"You hit him Frank." Dr. Way said. "That's violence. You don't like violence."

"Fuck my theories! He started shit with me! And now I'm stuck in here an extra fucking hour, which okay, it's not that bad because you're cool. Still, that's an extra hour taken away from my life! I can't see Mikey or   
Bob or Ray or Pete!"

"Pete?" Dr. Way asked.

"My boyfriend." Frank said, a smile slowly slipping onto his face. Gerard didn't like the way that sounded. "He's really sweet. He understands about therapy and shit, but still."

"That's good, Frank." it got silent, the two just staring at each other. "Hey." Gerard said, finally. "I can make Mikey come to the sessions too. The first hour, we'll talk, the second, we'll just hang and listen to music."

"That's sounds really good." Frank sighed, rubbing his face.

"Good, now, times up." he laughed.

"See you, Dr. Way."


	6. Jealous much?

Frank sat in lunch, leaning into Pete's side. Everyone was laughing and playing around while he just sat quietly, holding onto his boyfriend.

"Hey." Pete whispered, kissing Frank's head. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Frank whispered back, smiling happily. He looked at Pete, memorizing every detail of his face. He really was cute. And sweet. And an amazing boyfriend, even though Frank knew he was an asshole sometimes. He let Frank blare his music even though Pete didn't like it, and didn't mind when Frank smoked, even though it bothered him. "Just thinking." He said, burying his head in his boyfriends neck.

"Okay baby." Pete laughed, running his fingers through Frank's hair.

Right that second, Frank decided that he had the absolute best boyfriend ever.

 

Frank, Mikey, Bob and Ray sat in Mikey's living room surrounded by video games and pizza. They were laughing and playing around while Ray kicked everyone's ass in an intense game of Halo 4. They had Black Flag and The Misfits blaring through the house, effectively pissing off the neighbors.

"Damn it." Bob exclaimed, throwing his controller when Ray won again.

"Don't be a sore loser." Ray laughed, ducking when the controller flew at his head. Mikey went to say something but came up short when the music cut off and Gerard appeared in the doorway of the living room.

"Gee!" Mikey screamed, pouncing on his brother.

"Hey." Gerard laughed. "Hey guys." he said to the rest of the guys. The three boys grumbled their responses.

"So how'd it go?!" Mikey squealed.

"How'd what go?" Frank asked, looking up from his pizza.

"Gerard proposed to his girlfriend!" Mikey grinned.

"And she said yes." Gerard laughed. Mikey, Ray and Bob voiced their approval. Frank sunk into the couch. Gerard was getting married? Gerard had a girlfriend? No way! He looked at the man, with his messy black   
hair and his pale face. He was cute, really cute. Understanding too. And he was getting married. Well fuck.

"You okay, Frank?" Mikey asked.

"Yea." Frank said, faking a smile. "I'm good." but he wasn't. He really couldn't figure out why the hell this was bothering him so much. He had a boyfriend. A really good boyfriend that he really cared for. Gerard was just his therapist, nothing more and nothing less. This wasn't good. He was... he was jealous.

 

Therapy. Therapy was strangely comforting. No one ever thinks they're going to like therapy. Everyone basically assumes that if you're in therapy, you're crazy, and your therapist won't treat you like a human. Except, Dr. Way was really cool and liked good music and was pretty fucking awesome.

They were in the second hour, just waiting for Mikey to show up so they could get the music going and maybe smoke a cigarette or two (Though Frank wasn't supposed to say anything because there was a policy against smoking, whatever.)

Mikey walked in the room, a big goofy smile plastered on his face. "I brought company!" He announced, and he had. Pete walked in right after him. Frank grinned and jumped from his seat, attaching himself to his boyfriend.

"Pete! Pete, Pete Pete!" Frank exclaimed, attacking the boys cheek with kisses.

"Hey, Frankie." He smiled. "I hope this is okay." Frank looked at Dr. Way with his puppy dog face, silently begging him to let Pete stay.

"It's fine." Dr. Way said, crossing his arms. Secretly, it kind of pissed him off that Frank was hanging all over Pete like that. Yea, he told him to go out and date. That's true. This was a real relationship though.   
Serious and dedicated, and he'd heard Frank talk about the boy. He truly cared for him, a lot. Probably loved him. Why did that make Gerard so mad. "No PDA though. This is still a therapy session."

"Just with music and cigarettes." Mikey grinned, plopping down in a chair. Frank made himself comfortable on Pete's lap while Gerard played the first CD he got his hands on.

Gerard spent the entire hour glaring at Frank and Pete, who didn't notice. Mikey did though, and he kept shooting him questioning looks he promptly ignored. Gerard felt himself grow angrier and angrier because Pete just kept touching Frank, and Frank fucking liked it!

That was so not cool.


	7. All is Fair in Lust and Relationships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys are liking this.

Frank was spending the night with Mikey. He did that a lot lately. Part of him only wanted to stay because he knew Gerard would be there. The other half genuinely liked spending time with Mikey, because he was a really cool friend. Frank's best friend.

That night though, Gerard was out with his girlfriend. The two had the house to themselves, which wasn't really a good idea. They had music up, loud as it would go. Mikey was playing with his bass while Frank played with his guitar. It was nice. Frank wondered again why he'd never had a friend before.

 

It was two in the morning. Mikey was passed out and Gerard still wasn't home. Frank decided that he was thirsty, so he made his way out of the room as quietly as he could and down to the kitchen. He was in the middle of pouring a glass of tea when the door slammed open and he dropped the glass, shattering it all over the floor.

"Fuck." He groaned to himself, looking for something to clean it up. Gerard stormed into the kitchen, stopping only when he realized Frank was in there.

"Hey." He grumbled, going in the fridge and pulling out a bottle of Whiskey.

"You okay?" Frank asked quietly.

"No." He stated simply, opening the bottle and taking a big drink.

"I think you're drunk enough, Gerard." Frank said, picking up pieces of glass off the floor and throwing them away.

"No. I'm definitely not drunk enough." Gerard stated. He took a seat at the table and Frank sat with him. Just to make sure he was okay, of course.

"What happened?" Frank asked after a few minutes.

"She happened." Gerard stated. "Fucking bitch." He grumbled. Frank had the feeling Gerard was talking about his fiancee.

"What did she do?"

"She's always complaining!" he threw his hands up. "Gerard, do this. Gee, do this. Gee, does Mikey have to live with us? Yes! Mikey has to live with us! He's my fucking brother, man. And he's sixteen and I'll let him live with me until he's fucking fifty if that's what he want's because fuck her, it's my baby brother!" He took a big drink of the whiskey. "Do you have to spend so much time with your patients?" He groaned. "Yes! It's my job to take care of them, to make sure they're okay. Fuck her man. I like my patients. I love spending two hours a day with you Frank. You know why? Because you're fucking cool. You hear me? You're really fucking cool and kinda hot which is weird because I don't like guys but Frank holy fuck I like you." Gerard put his head in his hands, groaning. "Why did I just say that."

"Gee..." Frank whispered, taking the bottle from him. "Gee, look at me." Gerard looked up, a frown on his face. "Gerard, it's okay to like guys. Remember? You told me that. It's okay." Frank smiled.

"I told you that." Gerard mumbled. "It's true. There's nothing wrong with it."

Frank wasn't sure if it was the lack of sleep, and Gerard wasn't sure if it was the alcohol, but when they kissed it felt absolutely... amazing. The whole sparks flying thing was totally at work here, and Frank could swear he felt a shock when their lips finally touched.

"Shit." Gerard said, pulling away. "Shit, you're like... seventeen. And my brothers best friend. Fuck." He rubbed his face.

"Oh." Frank said, standing up. "Yea, I get it. The alcohol and all. You don't really like me, not like that."

"Frank." Gerard said, eyes wide. "No, no I totally like you. It's just that like, you're-"

"Too young? Your patient? What?"

"I'm getting married."

"And I have a boyfriend."

"But-"

"But that was fucking wonderful." They both sighed, looking around the room. "It can't happen again, can it?"

"No." Gerard groaned. "Shit."

"It's cool. I won't tell anyone."

 

Frank didn't tell anyone. Not even Mikey. Gerard didn't either. They both smiled and pretended it didn't happen. They were completely loving with their significant others, and no one sensed the tension between the two.

They even pretended it wasn't the only thing on their minds at all times.

 

"Come on!" Ray said, shaking Frank excessively.

"Ray, no." Frank groaned.

"Please?! My parent's are totally out of town, you can bring Pete, it'll be cool!" Ray pleaded. The idea sounded okay. Chill at Ray's place, drink some, listen to Bob threaten to kill his overly weird step brother. A few guys, a few booze. He knew Mikey was going, because Mikey and Ray were always with each other these days. They just needed to get it the fuck on already.

"Fine." Frank sighed. Ray grinned.

 

A few booze for Frank turned out to be a lot more than anticipated, and Mikey ended up carrying him into his house. Clearly Frank couldn't go home, not like this.

Gerard was apparently drunk too. Mikey groaned, staring at the two men he had seated on his living room couch.

 

"Jesus Christ." He started. "You two... no more drinking!" They just giggled back at him, which was so not okay. "Fuck you guys." He grumbled before stomping up the steps and going to sleep.

"You're drunk." Gerard said, looking at Frank.

"You too." Frank said, trying his hardest not to laugh.

"You're underage."

"You're overage!" Frank said loudly, pointing right at Gerard's face.

"Frank." Gerard leaned against Frank. "Frank, I have to tell you something." Frank blinked, staring at Gerard. "I totally didn't forget that kiss happened." Frank took that as his cue to press his lips against Gerard's. One thing led to another and soon they were pulling each other to Gerard's room, shedding clothing and kissing and touching. Gerard checked in his dresser to make sure he had condoms before they got too far. 

He did.

 

Frank woke up pressed into Gerard's side. At first he thought he was dreaming, but then he registered the pounding in his head as a bitching headache. He wasn't dreaming.

"Gerard." He whispered, poking Gerard's side. "Gerard wake up."

"Frank." Gerard muttered, opening his eyes. He looked over at Frank smiling, the smile quickly vanishing when he realized what had happened. "Shit."

"Shut up, Gerard. If you kick me out of bed right now I'll never forgive you." Frank stated, pressing a kiss to Gerard's chest.

"But Frank..."

"No one has to know." Frank stated. "No one, because fuck Gerard, I definitely want to do this again."

"Me too." Gerard sighed.

They definitely did it again, too.


	8. That Four Letter Word

"Frank." Pete said, leaning against his boyfriends locker.

"Yes?" Frank grinned, pulling out his Algebra book.

"I wanted to tell you something." Pete looked around, playing with his hands. Frank frowned, pulling Pete in for a kiss.

"What is it?"

"I just um-"

"Fag!" They both turned to see Justin, walking by, being a dick. Surprise, surprise. Frank flipped him off and turned back to Pete.

"I love you." Pete sighed. Frank's heart stopped. Love... love...

"Yea." Frank said, staring wide eyed. "Yea um... yea... love you... love you too..."

"Cool." Pete laughed, kissing Frank's cheek. "I'll see you."

"See you." Frank stared as Pete walked away. Jesus Christ, he just used to 'L' word.

 

"Mikes!" Frank yelled, walking in the front door. Mikey appeared at the top of the steps, grinning.

"You know Iero, you might as well just move in." Mikey laughed. "I mean, you have a months worth of clothes here and you just walk the fuck in now."

"I should. I hate my house." Frank went into Mikey's room and sat his stuff down. "Is it weird to live with your therapist? I don't think that would go over too well."

"Move in and you won't have to go to therapy." Mikey shrugged and plopped down on his bed.

"True. You have a doorbell too, so it would be fucking cool."

"What the fuck is with you and doorbells?"

"They're fascinating!" Frank threw a pillow at Mikey's head and stole his video game controller.

 

Mikey had just gone to sleep, which meant Frank could sneak into Gerard's room. Gerard was sitting in his bed, reading over files when Frank walked in. He looked up, grinning at Frank before putting away his papers and holding out his arms.

"Hey." Gerard whispered as Frank crawled up on the bed.

"Hey." Frank laughed, snuggling up against Gerard's side.

 

 

Frank was usually very careful not to fall asleep in Gerard's bed. Nevertheless, he woke up next to Gerard, sleeping peacefully.

"Fuck." He groaned, stretching.

"Hey, Gee." Mikey came in the room, fumbling with his phone. "Have you seen-" He stopped short when he looked up and saw Frank laying there. In the nude. "Holy shit!" he screamed, dropping his phone. Gerard   
sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Frank shut up." He mumbled.

"Gerard." Mikey said. "Gerard what the fuck is going on."

"Shit." Gerard said, staring at his brother. "Shit Mikey-"

"What about Lindsay?" Mikey crossed his arms. "And Pete? Frank Pete loves you."

"I don't believe in love." Frank rubbed his face.

"You're screwing my brother! Is that why we're friends? So you can shack up with my brother while I'm asleep?"

"No!" Frank yelled, standing up. "Mikey... Mikey no."

"Put some pants on Iero. The only dick I want to see is Ray's."

"You're fucking Ray!" Frank yelled, pulling on a pair of boxers.

"You're having sex!" Gerard yelled.

"So are you." Mikey rolled his eyes, sighing. "You guys know what you're doing right...? How bad this could end up?" Frank and Gerard nodded. "If anybody finds out... I don't know anything."

 

Ray, Bob, Mikey, Frank and Pete sat in lunch, having a mindless conversation about random things that came up. Frank kept watching Ray and Mikey, grinning knowingly. Mikey would glare, because no one was supposed to know. He thought it was stupid they'd keep it a secret, they were so cute together.

Pete leaned against Frank, kissing his shoulder and looking at him with those puppy dog eyes of his. Frank smiled at him, trying not to squirm away because clearly Pete was about to use the 'L' word again. When Frank thought about it, he could love Pete. They could be very happy together. It's not like he was a bad boyfriend, and he was the sweetest guy Frank knew. They'd both helped each other in the beginning, showing each other that relationships were okay. What if that's all they were supposed to do though? What if they weren't cut out for long term? Frank really liked being with Gerard the way he was, and he didn't want to top. It wasn't fair though, because Pete believed he had one hundred percent of Frank's heart.

"Love you." Pete whispered.

"Love you too." Frank whispered back.

 

Mikey and Ray got caught making out at a party. No one was really shocked. Frank and Bob were close to the two, so they knew. Everyone else assumed because, well, they were always going at it. Always.

Mikey and Ray made it official the next day, because they loved each other and wanted to scream it to everyone. Who wouldn't? They were in love, and they were proud.

 

Gerard brought Lindsay home one night while Frank was there. He was sitting on the couch with Mikey, watching a horror movie marathon when the door opened.

"Mikey!" Gerard yelled, followed by a girls laugh. Mikey turned to Frank, eyes wide as he mouthed 'Lindsay'.

"Fuck." Frank mumbled, crossing his arms.

"Hey guys." Gerard said, walking in the room. "Lindsay, this is Frank. Remember? The cool patient that likes Black Flag."

"I thought you weren't aloud to talk about patients." Frank glared. "I don't think you should talk about me outside of sessions, Gerard." Gerard stared Frank disbelievingly.

"Sorry, Frank." He said slowly. "Won't... won't happen again."


	9. Heart, Heart Break

Love destroys you. Love hurts you and that's that. It's what Frank's been saying this entire time. What he felt for Pete wasn't love, more admiration. Pete was a great guy, a fantastic boyfriend, and wonderful to Frank. They just weren't in love. So, what did he feel for Gerard then?

Gerard was funny, sarcastic, wonderful, understanding... so what did he feel for him? It was pretty obvious, but he'd never admit it. He wasn't crazy.

"Pete." Frank said. They had moved away at lunch to sit alone. That way Frank could do the deed. It was just ridiculously hard.

"Yea Frankie?" Pete smiled.

"We um... we should break up." Frank said. Pete stared at him. "I just think we aren't good together anymore. You know? Like, we showed each other that relationships are good. We just aren't meant to be together   
forever."

"I understand." Pete smiled. "You know my friend Patrick?" Frank nodded. "I've been like... drooling over him for like a month."

"Oh." Frank laughed. "Go for it. You'll be really cute together."

The two boys walked back over to their friends. Anyone could tell they were happier now. They were just better as friends.

 

"I broke up with Pete." Frank stated. Dr. Way -because in session he was still Dr. Way- stared at him.

"You did?" He asked.

"The relationship just didn't work. We're happy as friends."

"Frank I-"

"I don't want you t break up with her." Frank sighed. "You love her, right? I'm just here to fuck. Keep your mind off your wedding. Impending doom. Whatever."

"Frank... Gerard and Frank can't see each other anymore. Frank and Dr. Way will always be able to see each other, as patient and therapist. Frank and Gerard though... they can only be friends." Frank stared at Dr. Way, unable to find words. They couldn't see each other...

"Frank doesn't want to see Dr. Way anymore. Frank will find a new therapist. Frank will just pull out of therapy all together. Frank will just hang out with Mikey somewhere else." Frank stood up.

"Frank, the session-"

"Shove the session up your ass." Frank said, leaving. He made sure to slam the door as hard as he could.

 

Pete and Patrick got together. Patrick sat at lunch with them now, so he could lean against his boyfriend and look at him with dreamy eyes. Frank wanted to barf.

Bob had gotten a girlfriend, so everyone was in a relationship now except Frank. He really just ignored them all now. He was still really hurt over what had happened, and missed Gerard really bad. But, fuck Gerard. Fuck him because he used Frank. Frank was so open and vulnerable and Gerard knew that. He should have kicked Frank out of bed that morning. He shouldn't have let it get so far.

Mikey found out what happened. He really tried his best to be there for Frank, because they were friends. Frank couldn't look at him though because he just kept seeing Gerard in that stupid face of his. He didn't want to punch Mikey, so he advised Mikey to stay away.

Ray tried to be comforting, but he was Ray and it didn't help. Bob punched Ray for talking to much. Frank had never been so thankful for Bob.


	10. Maybe If I Numb It

Frank started going out to parties more often. He liked the feeling of being drunk, it was nice. He still never touched drugs though. That was not a road he was willing to go down.

He got lucky a lot too. Guys just seemed so much more appealing when he looked at them through a haze of alcohol. He couldn't keep track of all the guys he'd had recently. That probably wasn't a good thing.  
He grew tired of that life though. He decided he wanted relationships. So, he had them. First was a boy named Jeremy. He was a pretty boy, definitely. Probably not the type of guy Frank could spend a lot of time with. They didn't last very long.

Next was a guy named Vic. Vic was this odd Mexican kid with a nose ring, which gave him automatic cute points. He talked an insane amount though. Frank didn't like that. He didn't like when Vic talked at all. He was a cool guy, just not boyfriend material. He dumped him. Shortly after, Vic ended up with Jeremy.

Frank saw Gerard and Lindsay at the grocery. He ducked behind his mom, but it was too late, they'd already seen him. Lindsay glared at him, pulling Gerard down to her height and practically sucking his face off. 

Oh, fuck that shit.

Frank dated a kid named Jesse next. He was Mexican too, but was cuter and less annoying. He lived by Gerard's office, so Frank walked him home one day. It just so happened Gerard was leaving when they passed. Frank promptly stopped and kissed Jesse in the same way Lindsay had done to Gerard. Gerard ran back into the building.

Frank and Jesse didn't last long. He dated a kid named Tony next. Tony was really tall and really quiet, which kind of messed with Frank's head a little bit. He also had this weird piercing under his eye, but he was still cute enough. And Mexican. Fucking Mexicans man. They didn't last long either, he started dating Jesse though. They were cute together.

He dated a kid named Cameron next. He was the same size as Frank. It was nice, since everyone was taller than Frank. Fucking small size. He was cute and flexible too. That was a mega plus. Frank almost let himself love the boy.

They went out to a club one night. Fake ID's and attitude seemed to work wonders. They were dancing and drinking, having an amazing time. So of course, Gerard had to show up.

Frank noticed him first, propped up against the bar looking miserable while Lindsay talked endlessly. Secretly, that made Frank feel so much better about himself.

Cameron noticed Frank was staring and immediately understood the pissed off look he was giving. "Gerard?" He said in Franks ear, because Cameron just knew. It was weirdly lovable.

"Yea." Frank sighed.

"Come on." Justin said, pulling Frank over to the bar and pushing him against it. Gerard looked just as Cameron was pushing his lips against Franks.

"Frankie?" Gerard said, in almost disbelief.

"Huh?" Frank said, pulling away from Cameron.

"What... what are you doing?" he stuttered, clinging to Lindsay's hand.

"I'm enjoying a night with my boyfriend." Frank shrugged. Cameron pressed against him, kissing his neck.

"You're underage Frank." Gerard sighed.

"Yea? Never bothered you before asshole." Gerard rolled his eyes and pulled on Lindsay's hand.

"What's he talking about Gee?" Lindsay asked, glaring at Frank.

"Nothing baby." Gerard glared at Frank too, which really hurt Frank just a bit. "Frankie-"

"Don't call me that." Frank snapped. "You don't get to call me Frankie because honestly I fucking hate you. You fucking hurt me. Don't you get that? You used me-" Frank continued to yell but Cameron was pulling him away before he hurt anyone. They could just hear the 'Fuck you Frank' called over Gerard's shoulder as he left.

 

"You're trashed." Mikey said. Frank was sitting on his front porch, continuously pressing the doorbell. He was barely able to keep himself up with out support from the wall.

"Am not." Frank slurred.

"Are too. Come inside Frank."

"No." Frank said, pulling away when Mikey tried to pull him inside. "No, Gerard's in there."

"He is not Frank, he's out with her. It's three in the morning Frank. Come inside." Mikey frowned. He honestly hated seeing how broken both boys had become. Gerard was always mopping around, looking at wedding books and hating his life. Anyone could tell that he didn't want to do this with her. Frank had abandoned everything he loved. He forgot all about his theories and the fact that all he'd wanted was the ultimate freedom. He got drunk all the time, and missed a lot of school due to hangovers. He was dating a new guy every week. Both boys were just destructive.

Frank let Mikey take him inside. He didn't even protest when Mikey put him in Gerard's bed. Only because Ray was staying the night.

 

The first thing Frank felt in the morning was the sunlight hitting his face. He didn't have a window near his bed, and he'd put thick black curtains over the one he did have.

He rolled over and took in his surroundings. Gerard's room. Hangover. Shit. De 'je' vu hit him like a train and he just wanted to curl up and die. Being here wasn't best for his mental health.

After a lot of self convincing, Frank got out of the bed and stumbled out of the room, brushing past Gerard. They both stared at each other before Gerard said "Were you in my bed?"

"Yea." Frank said. "Mikey let me in. I was trashed." Frank looked Gerard up and down. He looked horrible. Frank smirked to himself, leaving the house with a new sense of satisfaction.


	11. It's One In The Morning, and I Need You Now

Cameron broke up with Frank. Right when Frank was really starting to be comfortable with him, he just left. He said Frank had a lot of problems and that they weren't good together. That really hurt, so Frank just started drinking earlier.

By ten that night, he couldn't see straight, but he kept drinking. Why not? He was in his room with the door locked, ignoring his mother's insistent knocking. At around one in the morning, he decided to go through his phone. There had to be someone he could call and invite over.

'Gerard (Dr. Way)' popped up in his contacts. Frank thought he deleted it forever ago, but apparently not. After some deliberation, he pressed 'send call'.

"Hello?" he answered groggily.

"Gerard." Frank whispered. He heard some shuffling and the sound of Gerard hitting his head.

"Frankie? Frankie are you okay?" Gerard said, sounding panicked.

"No." Frankie said, starting to cry.

"What's wrong?" Gerard said, gently as he could.

"I miss you." Frank cried. "I miss just talking to you, and I can't... I just..."

"Frankie, Frankie it's okay. Just calm down. Have you been drinking?"

"Yea." Frank sniffled. "Yea, all day."

"Frankie I want you to stop drinking. I want you to stop right now."

"I'm all out." Frank sighed, rubbing his face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been so inconsiderate. I know you picked her because you've been with her longer. I get that you love her."

"It's okay Frank... It's my fault... can we talk tomorrow when you're sober?"

"Or in two days when my head stops pounding?" Both boys laughed. "I'll see you Gee..."

"Go to sleep Frankie."


	12. If You Love Me

Frank spent Thanksgiving with the Way's. His mom and step dad were in Vegas and there was no way he was spending it with Justin. Gerard was in the kitchen, singing loudly while he cooked. Frank sat in Mikey's room with him, Ray and Bob. Lindsay was in the kitchen with Gerard, so he stayed away.

When it was time to eat, they all sat around the big dinning room table Mikey said they never used. Lindsay had made Gerard get it.

Everyone was eating and laughing. Frank and Bob mostly talked to each other, because they weren't in those mushy relationships. It was really really nice.

"Guys." Lindsay said, grinning. "We set the date." Everyone looked at her. "December sixteenth. Then we're on honeymoon until New Years."

"But, Christmas." Mikey frowned.

"You'll go to your grandparent's." Lindsay nodded.

"That's bullshit." Frank said.

"Excuse me?" Lindsay said, raising an eyebrow.

"It's bullshit. You can't do that to Mikey. Gerard's his big brother, and if he wants to be with him on Christmas he should be."

"You're not even part of the family." Lindsay glared.

"You're not either." Frank shrugged. "I'm Mikey's best friend though. And I know being gone so long was your idea, because Gerard wouldn't just leave Mikey like that."

"Frank..." Gerard said warning tone in his voice.

"Let him talk Gee. He's absolutely right." Mikey crossed his arms. "This isn't cool."

"We can shorten it..." Gerard said. "Lindsay we can shorten it. It's fair."

"Whatever..." She said, rolling her eyes.

 

Frank helped Gerard with clearing up the table. Mikey, Ray and Bob had gone to Mikey's room and Lindsay had gone to her mothers. Frank was washing dishes when Gerard leaned against the counter, looking at him.

"Yea?" Frank said, looking up from the plate in his hands.

"Do you love me?" Gerard said, playing with his hands.

"Excuse me?" Frank said, eyes wide.

"Do you love me? Frank, I'll give all of this up if you love me. I'll leave her. I'll call off the wedding right now. Just tell me you love me." Frank sat the plate back in the sink, drying his hands off. He couldn't bring   
himself to meet Gerard's eyes. "Frank?"

"No." Frank said, looking at the floor. He knew that was a lie. He knew he should just admit his love, but he couldn't. "No, I don't love you Gerard. I'm sorry." Gerard took a step back from Frank.

"Oh." Gerard said. "Oh, okay."


	13. I Brought My Bullets, You Brought Your Love

Mikey convinced Gerard to ask Frank to be his best man. Gerard protested like a motherfucker, because why would he want that? What was that logic? But Mikey pushed because apparently, Frank needed to be.

They were out looking at wedding things. Frank made Mikey come along because he hated being with Lindsay and Gerard alone. It was clearer than clear that Lindsay hated Frank. She didn't chill with the glares and insults when Gerard was around either. What a bitch.

Mikey and Frank were looking at some flower that Lindsay hated. It just looked like a flower, honestly. What the fuck did it matter if it wasn't the 'right shade of purple'.

"Frank." Mikey said.

"Yea?" Frank asked.

"What the fuck."

"What?"

"You're supposed to be stopping the wedding!" Mikey said a little too loudly. Lindsay and Gerard turned to look at them, questioning looks on their faces. Gerard's was more hopeful than questioning, though.

"Mikes." Frank hissed, pulling Mikey away. "It's not my place to stop the wedding, Mikey. I have no say. You can talk Gee out of it if you want, but I can't."

"You love him."

"No I don't." Frank said, tensing and rolling his eyes. "I don't believe in love. You know that."

"You love him!" Mikey said, a little too loudly again.

"I don't love him, Mikey."

"But-"

"No!" Frank yelled. Mikey shut up and just let Frank walk away.

 

Lindsay was at Mikey's house, so Frank stayed home. He was laying on his couch watching some midnight infomercial about hair dye and why it's 'harmful' or whatever. It was totally irrelevant.

He heard the door slam open and sat up straight away. He saw Justin stumble in. Oh fucking fantastic, finally it was this little bitches turn to get in trouble. Frank stood up and met him in the front hall.

"Frank!" Justin shouted, hugging Frank. "Frank I love you!" Justin laughed.

"I love you too?" Frank said, awkwardly pushing Justin away. "What did you drink? Christ I can smell it all the way in the living room."

"Shh, shh. Mom and dad are sleeping!"

"Linda and dad are sleeping." Frank corrected, because Frank's mom would never be Justin's mom.

"Linda is so great." Justin laughed. "She's just... shes wonderful. "

"Yea, whatever. Go to bed Justin."

"But... But I love you Frank!" Justin frowned.

"Bed, Justin."

"Frank?"

"What?"

"I think... I think you and Gerard were... Were a beautiful couple."

"What?" Frank said, tearing up.

"I said-"

"I heard you, Justin. Thank you, thanks, um... just go to bed. Please just go to bed." He sent Justin up the steps to his room, breaking down crying as soon as he heard the door shut.

 

Frank was sitting in Mikey's room when Mikey dropped the big bomb. They were playing video games, Frank winning because Mikey sucks. Out of nowhere Mikey just turned the game off and turned to Frank.

"What's up?" Frank asked.

"I'm dropping out of school." Mikey said.

"What?" Frank frowned. Mikey had just turned sixteen, he was a sophomore. He couldn't just drop out.

"Ray wants to go to Vegas and get married. Then we're going out of the country. Ray's eighteen, we're gonna get a place in Canada to stay."

"Excuse me?" Frank said, staring at Mikey in disbelief. "You're just going to leave Gerard like that?"

"Gerard and Lindsay are moving too." Mikey shrugged. "We're all leaving, even Bob."

"So you're all leaving me." Frank said, nodding slowly. "You're all just... dropping off the face of the earth. Cool." Frank got up to leave.

"Frank!"

"No." Frank said, crossing his arms. "No, I get it. It was nice knowing you." And then Frank left, not even sparring a goodbye to Gerard in the hallway.

 

Frank sat in his room with a bottle of whiskey and a cupcake he'd stuck a candle in. He forgot his birthday was last month. How could you forget your birthday? Oh yea, he was too drunk to care. So he sang happy birthday to himself and drank because he could. It was better than completely ignoring your eighteenth birthday all together.

He pressed the bottle to his lips, fighting back tears as he remembered what Justin had said to him. 'You and Gerard were a beautiful couple'. They were beautiful, weren't they? So he cried, because he could. Because it hurt. Because Gerard left him, expected him to admit his love, and then asked him to be best man. And fuck, if that didn't hurt the most he didn't know what did. Since everyone else was leaving after the wedding, Frank decided he would too.

He had a three weeks to plan the perfect way to go. The perfect speech and exactly how he'd say goodbye. This was goodbye, after all.


	14. This is How I Disappear

"I want to toast, to my best friend and his new wife." Frank raised his glass, struggling not to fall over.

"Frankie... sit down..." Gerard said. Anyone could tell how completely trashed he was, and Gerard couldn't help but worry.

"No, no!" Frank laughed. "I want to motherfucking toast, fucker." he looked around the room. This wasn't Gerard. This wasn't what he'd want or who he was. Frank knew Gerard would have a shitty marriage, but   
Mikey had advised against him objecting. He even covered Franks mouth when the time came.

"Well." Frank started. "This man here, that got married today, is my best friend. He's fucking everything to me. There are things I should have told him a long time ago. It's too late for them to matter now, but I still want him to know." Frank laughed a little bitterly, downing his glass of wine and grabbing another. "I love you, Gerard. You're more to me than a therapist, more than a best friend, more than a man I screwed a couple times while you were questioning your engagement. You asked me if I loved you, and I was too afraid to admit it. Remember what I told you about love? It doesn't help anything. It traps you and you can't spread your motherfucking wings because you're not even controlling yourself! I love you, and I wouldn't admit it, but everyone knew. How didn't you know? I should have told you sooner, but you're never going to see me again after this. I'm leaving now. I'm sorry I ruined your reception, I hope you have a nice life." Frank sat his glass down and went to leave, only stopping to add "I just wish it were with me."

Everyone stared in awe as Frank stumbled out of the room, barely able to keep himself standing. Gerard worked hard to fight the tears threatening to spill over. Now was not the time to cry.  
Mikey, Ray and Bob ran out after Frank, but he was already gone. They searched frantically for the small boy, but he seemed to have disappeared.

 

Frank drove, his heart pounding in his chest. He wanted drugs, and he wanted them now. He hurt all over and honestly numbing the pain seemed like a good idea.

After obtaining his drugs, he promptly swallowed the seven small pills down with his bottle of Jack Daniels. Driving was probably a really stupid idea, but he did it anyway.

The pills and the alcohol in his system were making it even harder to drive. It didn't help that some asshole cut him off. Suddenly, his car was spinning out of control and right into a pole.

The last thing he saw was a blinding white light that surrounded him. Then it was dark, and he was truly alone.

 

"Gee! Gee!" Mikey yelled, running around like a mad man.

"What?" Gerard mumbled around his glass. Lindsay had gone to pack their bags -angrily- and left him alone.

"It's Frank." Mikey said cautiously.

"Frank." Gerard whimpered. "Frank's gone."

"Frank got in a car accident." Mikey braced himself. "He's in the hospital. He might not make it."

 

The hospital was eerily quiet. Gerard didn't like it. Frank wouldn't like it. They stood around, frowning much more deeply when they made eye contact.

Mikey was leaning against Ray, both keeping their tears at bay. Having each other was a good distraction. Bob was staring intently at a wall that proved to be more interesting than anything else. Or maybe Bob was just about to crack.

Gerard had found out that in addition to all the alcohol he consumed beforehand, he had swallowed a few pills. He hated himself even more the minute he heard that. Gerard had driven him back to drugs.  
The doctor came through the doors and everyone stood.

"Family of Frank Iero?" He asked. They all nodded. "I'm so sorry."

Gerard has never cried so hard in his life.


	15. We All Want A Party When The Funeral Ends

The funeral was packed full of people Frank loved. Frank, being Frank, would have turned this into a party. Everyone knew that.

People shuffled past the casket, giving their goodbyes and taking in the dead body. It was disturbing how at peace he looked now. He looked... happy.

The preacher said some words and they all listened. Everyone tried not to laugh, because Frank would have loved this.

Ray, Bob, Mikey and Gerard carried the casket to the hearse. They all followed it to the graveyard, doing their best not to cry. Gerard more than everyone else, because this hurt.

Lindsay had left him because he refused to stay away from the funeral. They'd gotten into a giant argument the night of their wedding because of what Frank had said. It was even worse because he cancelled the honeymoon. He didn't feel right having one when Frank had just passed. It hurt too much, but of course it hurt. Gerard had loved him with everything he had. So Lindsay packed her bags and filed for divorce. They'd been married a day.

Mikey and Ray called off their engagement, not because they didn't love each other, but because nothing felt right without Frank around. Even Bob felt empty. No one could really function anymore, it just wasn't right. 

Even Pete was there with Patrick tagging along, because if it weren't for Frank, they never would have been together.

As they lowered Frank into the ground, Mikey leaned into Gerard's side. Gerard hadn't cried since the night they told him Frank had passed. Mikey was getting worried about him. Bottling this up wasn't healthy.

"How do you think he's doing?" Mikey whispered. "You know, wherever he is?"

"I think... I think he's finally free." Gerard whispered back.

 

That night, as Gerard laid quietly in his bed he thought of the life he could of had. The things he could have had. If only he'd been willing to give up Linsay sooner. If only he would have appreciated Frank more. The kid was only eighteen and he had a really bright future. It didn't matter anymore. You couldn't live out your life from six feet under.

Gerard silently decided that he'd never be able to forgive himself. The only reason he stayed on the earth was for Mikey. He couldn't handle two loses in such a short amount of time.


End file.
